WITHER MARRIAGE--- ENTER THE DISPOSABLE RELATIIONSHIP

rajee kushwaha

Member since 2010

I am a post- graduate in Defence Management from Chennai University (University Of Madras) and trained in Media Communication and Publicity at IIMC (I... More

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WITHER MARRIAGE--- ENTER THE DISPOSABLE CULTURE IN INDIA !

  by  rajee kushwaha in 

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Posted on 16 Oct 2008

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WITHER MARRIAGE--- THE ADVENT & IMPACT OF A DISPOSABLE CULTURE IN INDIA !

      There is a current debate, raging on Sulekha, on the live-in relationship vis-a-vis the institute of Marriage. While I feel this debate is unwarranted and uncalled for, yet it was essential for me to examine the causes of what was happening. 
       I am of the view that CHANGE IS INEVITABLE. No one can stall its advent. Therefore, it is futile to discuss whether "old was good or the new is bad". The institute of marriage, so far, as part of the social system, has served the society well. But it might not suit the taste, inclination, preferences and the value systems of the persons who would be the hall-mark of tomorrow's social order. Therefore, if live-in relationship is the emerging face of the social institute of the FUTURE, I welcome it. I have two reasons to welcome. Firstly, whether I like it or dislike it, I can not check its rising head. Second, I will not live in that kind of social system---it is a thing of the future.  Let us remember the old quote of an english poet, " OLD ORDER CHANGETH, YIELDING PLACE TO NEW".  So be it.

        Unfortunately, I feel the debate has gone off in a tangent. The Indian Media has grossly misinterpretted what the MAHARASHTRA GOVERNMENT had done. In fact, it is a lousy attempt by the GOVERNMENT OF MAHARASHTRA to stall the rising trend of LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIPS. The government has tried to make it extremely difficult for the man-----which is like trying to stall a deluge with "Sugar Bags". This phenomenon is upon us in the form of emerging trend of DISPOSABLE CULTURE in India. Accept it as this is the face of the new society of the not-too-didtant future. It is due to the emergence of DISPOSABLE CULTURE that the institute of marriage has become redundant. HOW? Let me explain in the paragraphs below.

       Alvin Toffler, in his book ‘Third Wave’, makes an interesting observation that the failure of the modern leadership was not because of the lack of qualities amongst the leaders but the break down of the very institutions on which their power depended. Applying the same analogy to social systems, I find the break-down of the "Social institutes and social Relationships" is due to the break-down of the very ethos and values on which they are anchored.  This has to be very clearly understood by all social scholars and comentators. 

         Let us now understand as to how the social transformation is affecting the SOCIAL INSTITUTES, like marriage and SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS, like husband-wife; father-son etc. I give a graphic picture  in broad outline  of the OLD SOCIAL SYSTEM and the EMERGING NEW SOCIAL SYSTEM. I am not going to enlarge this discussion because it is a lengthy one but I will only highlight the issues. Here it is;-   

                                          SOCIAL TRANSFORMATION

CAUSES

EFFECTS

             MATERIALISM                            AWARENESS 
          COSUMERISM                            SELF AWAKENING

          COMMUNICATION                       RISING ASPIRATIONS 
          TECHNOLOGY                             DEMASSIFICATION 
           ENVIRONMENTS                        NUCLEAR FAMILY

UNIFORMITY  IS THE KEY TRAIT	DIVERSITY IS THE KEY TRAIT
OLD SOCIAL              ORDER	NEW SOCIAL           ORDER

 

 

THEME	TREND	EFFECT	T R A N S I T O N A L S O C I E T Y	THEME	TREND	EFFECT
FAMILY MAN	NO SELF    IDENTITY	FAMILY INTEREST SUPREME		INDIVIDUAL- ISTIC	SELF - IDENTITY	SELF INTERESTS SUPREME
FAMILY     HEAD IS MESSIAH	RESPECT     FAMILY     ELDERS	AMENABLE         TO AUTHORITY		SELF IS  SUPREME	INSENSITIVE          TO    OTHERS	NOT AMENABLE       TO AUTHORITY
FAMILY GOALS SUPREME	MEANS I    IMPORTANT     NOT END	UPHOLD   FAMILY   ETHOS		SELF GOALS  THRU ANY MEANS	END  JUSTIFY     MEANS	SELF ORIENTED
SELF-   CONTENT      -MENT	CURB     PERSONAL     DESIRES	PEACE   AND   HARMONY		ASPIRING AND AMBITIOUS	RISING EXPECTATION	CONFLICT      AND QUESTION
MASSIFIED AND A            NON INFORMED SOCIETY				-DEMASSIFIED AND A   KNOLEDGEABLE SOCIETY
- LARGE IS STRENGTH          -TREASURE YOUR OLD				-SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL DISPOSABLE CULTURE

 

  
      The socio-economic changes and the modern communication system have transformed the social values and social percepts of our society. Individualistic person, fueled by the on-rushing fires of materialism, has emerged on the scene. Advent of the sky-waves into Indian homes has sky-rocketed the general level of awareness and aspirations of the new social person. 
       
       He/she is no more a joint-family-person who lived in oblivion with little self-identity and who largely suppressed self-desires to avoid conflicts in the family. THE ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITIES ACCORDED TO THE WOMEN BECAUSE OF HER EDUCATION AND RIGHTS TO EQUALITY HAS MADE HER SELF RELIANT. SHE IS NO MORE AN ATTACHED APPENDAGE OF THE MAN. This financial independence of the fair sex has impacted various social institutes and relationships. In the light of all this happening, the institute of MARRIAGE is facing the first onslaught on its heretofore known SANCTITY.
 
       Thus, while the old  social person was easily amenable to authority because of the very design of the old social order the new and the emerging person is ready to question, ignore and circumvent the social ethos which restrain him/her in self-goal realization. The essentials of the transformation have been tabulated in the graphic form above. The notable difference is while the old social order encouraged closely knit and self-weaving family system, put together to make it a one big social mass, the new social order aims at de-massification of society into smaller islands in the stormy sea of social mass. while the old system encouraged dissolution of individual identities for discipline and uniformity; the new one seeks to assert the individual identity for progress, growth and prosperity.

        Technology, information and communications have played  a vital role in ushering up consumerism and materialism which resulted into self awareness, rising expectations and loosening of the family grip on the men, it, thus, climaxed into de-massification of society where individual assumed prominence family and others.

       It would be seen form the above that the new-social-person is more self-centered, self-oriented and self-seeking. He will use any means; do anything to ensure the attainment of his self-set goals. He is cunning and sheered. He weighs the effect of all laws, rules, regulations and orders on his self-determining scale. He is intelligent and thinking who does not accept any thing on its face value. He will question, criticize and denounce what, according to him, is not right. He will frame his own definitions of ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’. Such a new-social-man will not respect institutions, customs values and the work-cultures founded on the myths of old social stratagem. Message, thus, he/she sends to the protagonists of old social order is clear and simple. Change, alter and modify to suit the new social  person or else he/she will trample, maul and mutilate them. There will be social chaos, upheaval and disorder, if the massage is not heeded.

.                  Attributes of a New-Social-Person .  The new social person would bring in his new social ethos and values. There will be conflict and frustration, if basic ethos of social work culture is based on old value system.  Some of the salient ingredients of new Social person would be:-

o          Being materialistic and individualistic, he will be always guided by self-interests. Self-advancement will be his single-minded purpose. He will mend, break and interpret rules and regulations to suit his scheme of things.

o          A very high level of awareness would nudge him to disregard pseudo-values and moralities which seek to deny him his privileges generally enjoyed by his counter-parts in other societies/organizations.

o          Liberal and democrat, he would like more freedom of action. He would like to express his views frankly and be heard patiently. He will resent autocracy and top-down or lateral flow of orders/instructions to him.

o          Cunning and shrewd, he will live by ‘opportunism’. He will compromise and temporize based on his scheme of self-advancement. He will allow ‘Wrong-doing’ if it benefits him but make an issue if the same act seems harmful for him. He will assert himself legally and question the moralities of his superiors. ‘Live-and-let-live-philosophy will be given new interpretation by him.

o          When in position of authority, hypocrisy and double standards would characterize his/her conduct. He/she will have different set of rules for self and others.

o          And most important, being self-oriented, self-seeking and calculating, he/she will encourage and stand by play-safe-work-ethos. In its applied and functional form, it would evolve into a work-culture reading, “Mistake occurs if you work. If you do not, you make no mistake.”  Basically, it not only tantamounts to shirking work but also leads to dereliction of duty and escaping from responsibility.  

            It would be seen that the emerging social strategem encourages the NON-SHOULDERING OF SOCIAL/FAMILIAL RESPONSIBLITIES and it DESPISES THE ATTENDANT ACCOUNTABILITY. If we understand this , we will realise the social and political discord that exists in India in the form of Corruption, indecisiveness, stagnation, distrust, insensitivity and the failed leaders.  This is also the cause of social disharmony, leading to violence and political conflicts. kindly note, in no way i am RUBBISHING the new social system---I am only highlighting its emerging tenets in view of the on-going debate of the emerging DISPOSABLE CULTURE and the likely impact on the social institutes and relationships.

         Ethos of the old family system in India , not only encouraged but sustained old philosophy of Social-Trust. Men/women were easily amenable to authority because of the very design of the family system and the social order. ‘Elder-does-no-wrong’ was the KEY NOTE  of SOCIAL OBEDIENCE, DISCIPLINE AND SOCIAL HARMONY. Being a family-man, he/she readily accepted the organizational supremacy of the family (read also organization). Family goals became his/her life’s ambition. Less educated and less aware, he/she could accept personal discomforts, willingly and voluntarily. In short, old family system was the ware-house of made-to-order ACCOUNTABILITY, RESPONSIBILITY, TOLERANCE and PATIENCE in a person, but accounted for personal DISCOMFORTS, INCONVENIENCE, NEGLIGENCE and LACK OF SELF RELIANCE. . The emerging new social system encourages disposing off those traits which caused non-existence of an individual in a family/society. In fact, it seeks to trashe them. 

     The LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP is the ANSWER for ESTABLISHING THE IDENTITY OF A WOMAN AT PAR WITH MAN. Not necessarily you ought to be married to live together---this is the message of "ALL FREE SOCIETY of TOMORROW".  This relationship of living together without a SOCIAL CONTRACT, is to throw away the yoke of attendant social responsibilities which marriage had thrust upon the man and woman. IT IS DESIGNED FOR THE WOMEN TO RISE FROM THE DEPTHS OF IGNONIMITY TO THE LEVEL OF EQUAL PARTERNERSHIP IN BILATERAL LIVES WITH NO INTERFERENCE FROM "THIRD PARTY".