'MERI MARZI'--THE VIRUS THAT KILLS
MARRIAGE?
IIn the year 2005, I wrote a series of E-Mails to my daughter and son, just before their marriage. It included their spouses, too. The mails defined various facets of the 'MARRIAGE'. There were six mails in all. My son put them on his blog spot as 'DAD's WISDOM'. I forgot them. One day, as I was surfing his page, I saw them. I thought of putting them on SULEKHA so as to generate some debate on this greatest social institute, since time immemorial. It is under threat, because of "Individualisation" of HUMANS. There was a debate on this on SULEKHA a few days back. Can we save this institute which distinguishes between the 'SOCIAL ANIMAL' and the 'WILD ANIMAL'? I do feel the need to not only save it but revitalise it. Ofcourse, we can debate its future ETHOS, SHAPE and CONTOURS. Here is one of the shortest mail, just to initiate the debate. Read on:-*************************************************************************************** Hi Every one!
"Oh,God! He is here again".Did u say that? Well u better don't do that,for, I'm here to do the plain speaking.U know what is the biggest human vanity? It is sure outside ur vocabulary.'Because U people have been trapped behind the iron-doors of ur oversized egos n blinded by the self blinding logic of 'SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS'. Yes, this is the biggest human vanity.U want to accuse me of the same. Sure,go ahead.Welcome!
I tell u what. Have u heard of Bertrand Russel? How stupid of me to ask u this question? Isn't it? Anyway , who was he? No, sorry, he was not a 'computer driver' like U? Sorry again for addressing u as 'computer drivers' for want of a proper nomenclature for ur profession.But why computer Drivers? Why not Pilots, professionals,Operators Or so on? Tell me.
Ok, wait.Let me complete the tale of Russel.He was a great 'Thinker' n a 'Social philospher' of 19th/20th Century.Once his student asked him," Sir, would u like to die for the principles u hold so dear to ur heart".Russel thought for a while n said'" No, Never".Thestudent was stunned,"But, Why Not"? " Because, I MAY BE WRONG" was Russel's reply. This is the catch.U KNOW DRIVERS NEVER THINK THEY MIGHT BE WRONG. AND THOSE WHO EAT, DRINK N LIVE BY COMPUTERS INVARIABLY DEVELOP THIS 'KNOW-ALL ATTITUDE'.
'SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS' , U C IS AN ATIITUDINAL DISORDER ACQUIRED WHILE INTERACTING WITH UNKNOWN N ALIEN ENVIRONMENTS. It is the self guarding mechanism of the body which gets activated when u smell danger to ur self from something not known.U develop an attitude to be cautious in ur approach.Nothing wrong.There comes a stage when u become a slave of ur inhibtions n u do not allow this attitude to be shed.This prolonged inclination towards extra vigiliance leads to this disorder.This disorder causes distrust in partners;leads to self-seeking goals;indifference n intolearnance towards those who question ur wrong-doing.SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS IS THE FOUNDATION STONE OF A DEADLY VIRUS CALLED 'MERI- MARZI'. U know how? OK, hold for a while.
Have u read Thomas Harris? May be some of u might have glanced through his famous treatise on human communications. Don't tell me u haven't heard of the book,"I'M OK, U R OK!" ? Now what can I say if u haven't? Let me tell u, don't be afraid of reading. U know if u read one book a day(each book of 200pages) and u do it for ur life(Let's say for 100 years). At the end of it u would have only acquired 30% of the knowledge that is available in the word. This is the extent of ur ignorance n still u say u r MR/MS/MRS KNOW-ALL! Alright, let me talk about a bit on 'I'M OK;U'R OK'.
This books is a master on human communications. It says every person has in him three states i.e.Parent,Adult n Child state.He/She communicates from one of these three states.Therefore to keep the communication going u ought to b in the same state,otherwise the communications will break down.Main theme is that every human being acquires one of the four postures in life. These r :-one,I'm not ok ,u r ok; two, I'm ok,u r not ok; three, I'm not ok, ur not ok and four, I'm ok , u r ok. Best is, of course, the last one.The first stage is acquired in the infancy only,even before the age of five.Later,environments, education,experiences n
process of growing up which includes activities connected with both hardships n successes, convert him into one of the other three postures.The worst posture is of course 'I'M NOT OK, U R NOT OK'. This is the sign of a person having withdrawal symptoms and developing sicidal tendencies. The best, no doubts, is 'I'M OK ;U R OK'. It is invariably seen Children adopt the posture:-'I AM NOT OK; U R OK'.
This,if not corrected by the parents and the teachers, it leads to the posture i.e, 'I'M OK ; U R NOT OK'.This 'self acclaimed greatness' leads to self-serving philosophy of 'MERI MARZI'. And this is the greatest enemy of 'MARRIAGE'. Remember, in MARRIAGE'there is nothing known as 'MERI MARZI'. It is always 'HAMARI MARZI'. t**************************************8*******************************************************************************************
II hope it generates a positive debate on this social institute of great significance. we can reform it but must save it. Don't you agree. Have your take. THIS WAS THE FIFTH MAIL. I will post others in due course.
IIn the year 2005, I wrote a series of E-Mails to my daughter and son, just before their marriage. It included their spouses, too. The mails defined various facets of the 'MARRIAGE'. There were six mails in all. My son put them on his blog spot as 'DAD's WISDOM'. I forgot them. One day, as I was surfing his page, I saw them. I thought of putting them on SULEKHA so as to generate some debate on this greatest social institute, since time immemorial. It is under threat, because of "Individualisation" of HUMANS. There was a debate on this on SULEKHA a few days back. Can we save this institute which distinguishes between the 'SOCIAL ANIMAL' and the 'WILD ANIMAL'? I do feel the need to not only save it but revitalise it. Ofcourse, we can debate its future ETHOS, SHAPE and CONTOURS. Here is one of the shortest mail, just to initiate the debate. Read on:-*************************************************************************************** Hi Every one!
"Oh,God! He is here again".Did u say that? Well u better don't do that,for, I'm here to do the plain speaking.U know what is the biggest human vanity? It is sure outside ur vocabulary.'Because U people have been trapped behind the iron-doors of ur oversized egos n blinded by the self blinding logic of 'SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS'. Yes, this is the biggest human vanity.U want to accuse me of the same. Sure,go ahead.Welcome!
I tell u what. Have u heard of Bertrand Russel? How stupid of me to ask u this question? Isn't it? Anyway , who was he? No, sorry, he was not a 'computer driver' like U? Sorry again for addressing u as 'computer drivers' for want of a proper nomenclature for ur profession.But why computer Drivers? Why not Pilots, professionals,Operators Or so on? Tell me.
Ok, wait.Let me complete the tale of Russel.He was a great 'Thinker' n a 'Social philospher' of 19th/20th Century.Once his student asked him," Sir, would u like to die for the principles u hold so dear to ur heart".Russel thought for a while n said'" No, Never".Thestudent was stunned,"But, Why Not"? " Because, I MAY BE WRONG" was Russel's reply. This is the catch.U KNOW DRIVERS NEVER THINK THEY MIGHT BE WRONG. AND THOSE WHO EAT, DRINK N LIVE BY COMPUTERS INVARIABLY DEVELOP THIS 'KNOW-ALL ATTITUDE'.
'SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS' , U C IS AN ATIITUDINAL DISORDER ACQUIRED WHILE INTERACTING WITH UNKNOWN N ALIEN ENVIRONMENTS. It is the self guarding mechanism of the body which gets activated when u smell danger to ur self from something not known.U develop an attitude to be cautious in ur approach.Nothing wrong.There comes a stage when u become a slave of ur inhibtions n u do not allow this attitude to be shed.This prolonged inclination towards extra vigiliance leads to this disorder.This disorder causes distrust in partners;leads to self-seeking goals;indifference n intolearnance towards those who question ur wrong-doing.SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS IS THE FOUNDATION STONE OF A DEADLY VIRUS CALLED 'MERI- MARZI'. U know how? OK, hold for a while.
Have u read Thomas Harris? May be some of u might have glanced through his famous treatise on human communications. Don't tell me u haven't heard of the book,"I'M OK, U R OK!" ? Now what can I say if u haven't? Let me tell u, don't be afraid of reading. U know if u read one book a day(each book of 200pages) and u do it for ur life(Let's say for 100 years). At the end of it u would have only acquired 30% of the knowledge that is available in the word. This is the extent of ur ignorance n still u say u r MR/MS/MRS KNOW-ALL! Alright, let me talk about a bit on 'I'M OK;U'R OK'.
This books is a master on human communications. It says every person has in him three states i.e.Parent,Adult n Child state.He/She communicates from one of these three states.Therefore to keep the communication going u ought to b in the same state,otherwise the communications will break down.Main theme is that every human being acquires one of the four postures in life. These r :-one,I'm not ok ,u r ok; two, I'm ok,u r not ok; three, I'm not ok, ur not ok and four, I'm ok , u r ok. Best is, of course, the last one.The first stage is acquired in the infancy only,even before the age of five.Later,environments, education,experiences n
process of growing up which includes activities connected with both hardships n successes, convert him into one of the other three postures.The worst posture is of course 'I'M NOT OK, U R NOT OK'. This is the sign of a person having withdrawal symptoms and developing sicidal tendencies. The best, no doubts, is 'I'M OK ;U R OK'. It is invariably seen Children adopt the posture:-'I AM NOT OK; U R OK'.
This,if not corrected by the parents and the teachers, it leads to the posture i.e, 'I'M OK ; U R NOT OK'.This 'self acclaimed greatness' leads to self-serving philosophy of 'MERI MARZI'. And this is the greatest enemy of 'MARRIAGE'. Remember, in MARRIAGE'there is nothing known as 'MERI MARZI'. It is always 'HAMARI MARZI'. t**************************************8*******************************************************************************************
II hope it generates a positive debate on this social institute of great significance. we can reform it but must save it. Don't you agree. Have your take. THIS WAS THE FIFTH MAIL. I will post others in due course.
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